Saturday, March 22, 2014

Deserving.

I read an article this morning written by a man who asserts that American women as a whole are undeserving of a "good man" because we're all one or a combination of the following: whores, gold diggers, alcoholics, we over share, we hate men, we are selfish, we cheat, we lie, we are unable to make up for past mistakes, we need to be the constant center of attention, we're jealous, petty, sluts who give it up too easily, or cold bitches who "friendzone" too quickly.

There were mixed reactions to this article (and I wish I could find it to link it). Men saying "YES!! I've been saying this for years, I finally feel validated," women saying, "Okay, I see where this is going, but I'M not like those girls," my reaction? Well I think it was too long to post in a thread.

My first reaction is that this guy must have had a long stream of bad relationships with women who weren't that into him. I find a lot of the time the self professed "Nice Guy" is anything but... just like the self professed "Sexy Chick."  If you have to announce it, if your words and deeds aren't enough, then it probably isn't true. This Nice Guy wants the "perfect woman" but admits that he's dated married women and is SHOCKED that they cheat. Maybe you shouldn't pick up on people you know are in relationships if you don't want to be involved with a cheater?

My second reaction is that while there are plenty of women who fit some or all of those descriptors above at some point in their lives, by no means are ALL women like that all of the time, and none of those negative qualities listed are gender exclusive. There are men who are all or some of those as well.  I know, I've dated some of them... BUT that doesn't mean that I believe all American men are undeserving of quality women...nor would I imply that quality men do not exist.  Quality people are not unicorns.

People are flawed, they make mistakes, that doesn't mean they're irredeemable.  Your experience is not a universal experience, except in that EVERYONE has a bad days, bad weeks, shoot I know people who have had a bad couple of years... That doesn't mean it's always going to be that way, that humans are incapable of change or that we are all monsters all the time.

Being in a relationship takes hard work, every day work, it takes trust, respect, honesty, and sometimes making hard decisions instead of the easy road.  No one ever promised that being in love was going to be easy all the time.  Sure it can come as naturally as breathing, but even breathing can prove difficult at times.

I don't think that anyone deserves a fairy tale happy ending if they aren't someone who is willing to put the work in.  Nice Guy doesn't deserve Sexy Chick simply because he's attracted to her, just like Super Tramp doesn't deserve Knight in Shining Armor because she asked. Personalities have to mesh, interests shared, stories have to be told. If you can't handle someones past, you don't deserve to be in their future.