Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Ex Photosynthesis

When you find yourself single, or not, and you're reflecting on the caliber of people you've dated in the past sometimes you find that you've wasted a lot of oxygen talking about someone who in the long run of your life, didn't matter a whole lot. Perhaps you regret how you treated someone, or maybe the person you dated was such a monster, their entire life appears to be a waste of oxygen... either way rain forests are being murdered with all the carbon dioxide we're creating talking, breathing about people who are no longer our significant others.

The Elitist and I were discussing this very thing the other night and we thought it would be an amazing business idea to create a company (perhaps a nonprofit charity, save the trees type thing) where you can plant a tree to replace the wasted breath you've spent on a particular insignificant other. My mind took brain storming to hurricane levels and I came up with some types of plants that could be planted. Break my heart? I'm breaking ground on a Vegetation Meditation Garden to get over you, and create cleaner air for future generations, who's winning now?

Anyway, without further ado, here are some samples of trees that can be planted in honor of wasted breath. Do your part and give back to the planet already.


  • A Healthier Way to Pine
  • Hive-y Ivy
  • Don't Bitch, Birch
  • Shrubs for Flubs
  • Leaves for the Left Behind
  • Feeling Grappling Sapling
  • Stop Being a Crab Apple
  • ExMas Trees
  • No More Weeping Willows
  • Talk to the Palm
  • You're Coconuts!
  • What a Dogwood
As you can see, I'm highly amused by puns, feel free to add you're own in the comments section... or if you'd like to start a kickstarter to get this going for real, I'll let you have the idea for a small percentage of sales.