Thursday, September 12, 2013
Operation Letting Go
Here's my advice (and some I really want to take for myself) if whatever is causing your blood pressure to spike, tears to fall, or hand reach for the baseball bat under your car seat doesn't matter in the long run of your life, don't let it matter in the short run either.
Now when I say that they don't matter I mean it in, they aren't part of your life anymore or they play such a bit part that they'll go uncredited or as "Bad Date #45" when they roll the credits at the end of your story. I don't mean that as a human they don't matter and that they should jump off a cliff post haste. I don't mean they should be treated poorly or that you hate them... just that it won't change your life if they aren't part of it. This list can include an ex that you haven't seen in years and don't think you'll ever see them again... they can be people who once were a big deal but aren't on your radar anymore. They can be a childhood friend that's life took a different direction than yours and now all you have in common are a few social network sites. So on that note:
Life is too short to let people who don't matter hurt you or to let them ruin your day. It's nearly impossible to be rational with irrational people and it isn't worth the strain or stress to hang on to your anger.
I'm not saying you aren't entitled to your emotions or that you're feelings aren't warranted, you can feel whatever you want, I'm just saying that guy who cut you off in traffic doesn't even know he's a terrible driver and he doesn't care that you slammed on your breaks, being angry about it for hours/days/weeks later isn't going to solve anything.
When I saw online that an ex of mine (who I haven't had any contact with in getting close to two years now) has moved on and is having a child with someone else, yeah it felt like I was punched in the stomach for a good couple of hours, but after I thought about it, it was good news. It was the final push I needed to really let go, no hurt, no anger, just an overwhelming sense of relief. I know he's gone for good now. He's happy and honestly I'm great with that. I don't want to go back to being the person I was when we were involved, and now that bridge has been so completely destroyed that it's almost like it was never there. We can finally be the strangers we were always meant to be.
I also went through a phase where a friend of a friend was constantly posting things online that would fill me with such hostility that it was affecting my friendship with my ACTUAL friend. I took a deep breath, deleted the person and never looked back. I have found that it was great for my blood pressure and my real life friendships, win-win. Sometimes we just need to cut ties that unnecessarily bind us.
If someone hurt your feelings and they're someone you want to keep in your life, work on resolving the issue so you can both let it go. If it isn't someone you'd like to keep in your life, start making the necessary changes to cut them out. If it's someone that you feel you can't delete from your Facebook friends list hide them from your newsfeed and change your privacy settings so that you don't have to see their posts that make you seethe. If they are someone you can delete/block do so.
People only have as much power over you as you allow them to have, so if they don't matter, don't let them matter.