Monday, July 8, 2013

Dream State Update: 2

These days my dreams have been fleeting. I don't remember much with I wake up... and sleeping during "normal" hours has been tough. It seems like when I turn off the lights and settle in for the night my brain kicks into high gear and starts thinking about all the things I don't really want to think about. Like is that knocking noise someone at my door, or is it my fridge (it's always the refrigerator), what are those noises outside? Is someone breaking in or are the alley cats playing an intense game of tag (it's always the cats). For the first time in my adult life I'm staying up late, not because I'm watching a great movie or I'm drawn in to an amazing book, but because turning off the lights has started filling me with anxiety.

I've lived alone for close to 3 years now, I enjoy my privacy and my personal space, and yet now it's becoming slightly claustrophobic, the walls are closing in on me.

Saturday night I was up until 2:30-3:00 am cleaning house like I had company coming over.... because the thought of calling it a night caused my blood to run cold.

What is happening in my dreams at night that I don't want to face them?