Friday, May 17, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 38

ugh. last. night.

The dream itself in the moment wasn't bad or scary...but when I woke up and started thinking about it, it left me cold. 100% nightmare.

The dream started off at my parents' house I was visiting with my mom and she suggested that I go to this new boutique in the town she lives in... at the golf course that the evil ex works at... I explain to her that I'm "not allowed" there, her response was that unless he had a restraining order against me, there was nothing blocking me from shopping at this awesome store, so with complete trepidation I go, I find a few things that I like and I'm setting them aside, my mom was going to buy them as a birthday gift for me, she just wanted me to pick them out, and I'm thinking that I'm really lucky that I've been there for hours and haven't bumped into Him... of course as I'm thinking this, he comes around the corner... I think that maybe he didn't see me, so I duck behind my hair and start to leave. No such luck... he just pretends that he doesn't see me and is talking to his friend REALLY LOUD about how thankful he is that is single again and ready to move on with someone new. I turn around and start walking as fast as I can in the opposite direction, except I can't walk that fast because I sprain my knee in the about face. He notices that I'm no longer behind him and comes up to me to help me and we go sit in the back of a movie theater (magic how those things randomly appear in a dream) and we start talking and catching up. He puts his arm around my shoulders and I snuggle in close like I belong there. He tells me that I'm the reason that him and his ex broke up and were always fighting. I start to protest because I haven't spoken to him in over a year, long before him and his girl got together. He explains that it wasn't anything that I did, it was that she wasn't me, she didn't understand him, and when he lost me, he lost his best friend... and he wanted us to try again. Then an usher from the theater comes and yells at us for talking during the lecture (I guess it wasn't a movie house after all) and that we needed to leave. So we get up and leave the theater and walk to an adorable little outdoor bistro and order glasses of wine (and I distinctly remember it being 10:30 in the morning) and reminiscing about our good times together and how we were looking forward to trying to be a "real couple" instead of the friends with benefits that we were before.

I was so happy and felt like I was finally where I needed to be.

Except how could that be? Because ugh. It was one of the most unhealthy relationships of my life. Probably top 3. Definitely top 3. How could that be what makes me happy? Dysfunction in the extreme. I feel like my brain needs a bleach bath.