Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wish You Were Here

Hey Baby Brother,

You would have been 25 in the next couple of days, and I can only imagine who you would be now. I know you were really working on growing up and starting to get your life back on track, you were thinking of going back to school and learning trades to start a career for yourself and to become someone you could be proud of. You were trying hard to put your darker days behind you and you had such a bright future ahead before you were stolen from us.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, I keep pictures of you on my fridge at home and one rides in the car with me. I have an orange camouflage trucker hat that hangs on my bookcase above my bed, you are always with me.

I want you to know that I have always loved you, and I still do. Even when you drove me insane as younger siblings are so very capable of doing you have always been someone who is important to me. It's hard to think of you as anyone other than that precocious child who was always into everything and taking stuff apart to see how it worked, even if you weren't able to put it back together.  You always had such a huge heart, and your smile could light up the world. I miss that. I really regret not taking more opportunities to get to know you better as you got older. I always thought that we'd have time when we were older, I never imagined that you could be taken in such a final way.

It's been almost 4 years since we lost you and I waiver between feeling like it was yesterday, 10 years ago, and sometimes I wonder what you've been up to forgetting that you're gone completely. I don't know how to explain that. I guess your heart and brain don't always connect and they don't always make sense. I wish I could call or text you and go grab a couple drinks and watch a basketball game together, spend the day at the beach, or just hang out at a family dinner at Grandma's house.

I hope if you're keeping an eye on us you're pleased with what you see. I hope you know how much you're loved and missed, and most of all I hope you've found peace.

I'll love you forever baby brother, you'll never be forgotten.