Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wish You Were Here

Hey Baby Brother,

You would have been 25 in the next couple of days, and I can only imagine who you would be now. I know you were really working on growing up and starting to get your life back on track, you were thinking of going back to school and learning trades to start a career for yourself and to become someone you could be proud of. You were trying hard to put your darker days behind you and you had such a bright future ahead before you were stolen from us.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, I keep pictures of you on my fridge at home and one rides in the car with me. I have an orange camouflage trucker hat that hangs on my bookcase above my bed, you are always with me.

I want you to know that I have always loved you, and I still do. Even when you drove me insane as younger siblings are so very capable of doing you have always been someone who is important to me. It's hard to think of you as anyone other than that precocious child who was always into everything and taking stuff apart to see how it worked, even if you weren't able to put it back together.  You always had such a huge heart, and your smile could light up the world. I miss that. I really regret not taking more opportunities to get to know you better as you got older. I always thought that we'd have time when we were older, I never imagined that you could be taken in such a final way.

It's been almost 4 years since we lost you and I waiver between feeling like it was yesterday, 10 years ago, and sometimes I wonder what you've been up to forgetting that you're gone completely. I don't know how to explain that. I guess your heart and brain don't always connect and they don't always make sense. I wish I could call or text you and go grab a couple drinks and watch a basketball game together, spend the day at the beach, or just hang out at a family dinner at Grandma's house.

I hope if you're keeping an eye on us you're pleased with what you see. I hope you know how much you're loved and missed, and most of all I hope you've found peace.

I'll love you forever baby brother, you'll never be forgotten.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 32

Last night...

In my dreams I was driving to LAX to meet my family to go to Hawaii on vacation. I'm not sure why we took separate cars but we did. At some point near Los Angeles I get in a car accident and drive my car off a bridge (in real life there are no bridges quite like the one in the dream). The dream keeps rewinding at the point of the accident until I'm able to survive the wreckage. The car always crashes and goes over the bridge but I eventually am able to walk away unscathed and am able to get to the airport without missing my flight.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 31

Turns out I'm more emotionally disturbed than originally thought. Last night my dreams took me to my grandparents' house from my childhood. I was dating this physically beautiful man, and my little brother was still alive and well except he was about 7 years old in this dream.

Anyway the three of us were in the back room at my grandparents house at some family event and I confronted my boyfriend about being quiet and anti-social which was strange for him. He looks into my eyes, glances over at my brother and quietly tells me that before I picked him up that day he had gone to the beach with his much hated ex.

I, of course, assume he cheated on me...but it's much worse. He goes on to tell me that he took her out into the ocean and stabbed her and left her, not knowing if she was alive or dead, just that the water was very cold. He said it without emotion or remorse.

The most disturbing part of the dream was my reaction. All I could say to him was "okay, so you did something bad, but this doesn't effect us, right? You and me...we're okay; aren't we?"

I woke up shortly after and had a montage of strange dreams after, but nothing that sticks out with enough clarity to post about.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 30

So... dreams... weird little creatures they are....

Last night I had a dream that I was in a clothing store, wearing a white v neck and jeans... when I randomly bumped into none other than "What Not To Wear" star Clinton Kelly. He told me that my outfit was all wrong and that I needed to change my clothes immediately.... he even picked out new clothes in the store for me to purchase so that I was no longer visually offensive.... Mr. Kelly also pointed out that I had lipstick on my teeth and needed to pull myself together. Uh, thanks Clinton.

Then later I went to a water park where before we were allowed to enter the facility we all had to sit and watch a training video on how to behave properly in an amusement park. The video was so long that I woke up before I got to go on any slides.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Dream State Escalate:29

Last night was interesting to say the least... I'm not sure if I'd classify it as a good one or a sad one, maybe bittersweet?

Jesse Dog and I worked for the Make a Wish Foundation, and our specialty was abandoned children who just wanted to feel like they had a dog and a family at the end. Jesse would sleep on the bed with the kids and I'd hang out with them in their rooms and they would roll a bed in at night for me to sleep in.

My ex was also in the dream and we were in the process of getting back together... he also worked for the Foundation, except he was in the Princess division, making sure all the little girls got to play dress up with a "real" Prince and have tea parties and get rescued from scary dragons.

One part really stuck out with me, we were having lunch in between clients at some really cool harbor (not sure what I'd call them) and I was telling him "you're going to have to tell your parents that we're together eventually, it's not fair that you're keeping me a secret."

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Photo Date with the Bestie

On Saturday March 16th my BFF and I took my new camera out for a test drive along the central coast. We started out with picking up some picnic goods at DePalo & Son's deli in Shell Beach (it's off Spyglass if you haven't been there before, it's not inexpensive, but what you give up in dollars you get back in taste), took our tasty treats to Chamisal Vineyards, did a little wine tasting, had a picnic, then broke out our cameras and started snapping. We also went to Biddle Park in Arroyo Grande, and the train tracks in Oceano. I posted a few of my favorites here. Hope you enjoy the photos as much as I enjoyed taking them.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 28

last night took a turn for the weird... I blame seeing Oz the Great and Powerful over the weekend for one... possibly the gin and tonic for the second.... I don't know where the 3rd came from, so lets get to it.

Dream One: I had a child and a pink dog... already weird right? anyway something happened where we were abandoned in the middle of the Australian outback near some train tracks and we had to find our way back to civilization. At first we thought the best way would be to follow the tracks back, because eventually they should lead to some sort of city where we could get help, except in doing that we left ourselves exposed to the elements (in my dream only the tracks were in the desert, the rest of the "outback" was more like a rain forest) and we couldn't find shelter, food, or water so we had to go into the jungle. This also kept us safe from people who where chasing after us trying to keep us from getting back to Sydney. While in the jungle we met up with some magical creatures that helped us along the way and eventually lead us home... where our friends and family got mad at us for disappearing and never checking in on facebook or via text. I'm sorry, there isn't a wi-fi connection in the jungle and we were gone for like six months, my iPhone battery died in the first couple hours of being gone.

Dream Two: My aunt was a tap dance instructor at a local college... and her husband was her star student... AND she was one of the choreographers for The Mickey Mouse Club (which was still a very popular show in my dreams).

Dream Three: I was at my dad's house at the lake, except the floor plan for his house was exactly like my great aunt's house that I grew up in... and I had to get ready for work and everyone I knew in Paso kept coming over and hiding my work clothes and occupying the bathroom so that I couldn't get ready.

Monday, March 11, 2013

More Customer Service Adventures.

This time the adventure wasn't my own, but one that I witnessed while shopping over the weekend. I want to preface this with the manager at the store never once lost her cool or professionalism, and deserves some sort of bonus after dealing with her customer from hell.

I was at Dress Barn yesterday... And was totally eavesdropping on a crazy lady at the counter and the manager trying to deal with her... I was laughing so hard.
The lady bought an outfit... Took it home... Put it on... Realized it was the wrong outfit and that it didn't fit... So she decided to wear it all day in hopes of stretching it out so that it would fit... Or encourage her to go on a diet... And she popped a button on the shirt... So she tried to return it.

The manager told her that she couldn't accept the return because it had been worn and the lady got so mad because the product was "defective because it didn't fit" and it went in circles forever... The lady was yelling "what am I going to do with this garbage? It doesn't fit! The button popped off after I wore it for one day" and the manager told her "you should have brought it back when it didn't fit" and then the lady kept saying "but I wanted to stretch it out!!"

Side note: she had this ugly mangy looking little dog with her (which totally isn't the dog's fault, but it does add to the story)

The lady was even trying to tell the manager that she wasn't going to be able to pay her bills if she didn't get her money back... That was when all the other excuses didn't work...  

Hey lady,

1. You damaged the outfit,
2. You wore it all day,
3. You didn't bring a receipt...

What did you think was going to happen?

When she finally accepted that she wasn't going to be able to get her money back (she also didn't have a receipt because she accidentally threw the trash out before she knew it didn't fit) she started walking her dog all over the store because she wasn't done shopping, and the little critter must have had fleas or something because it kept itching and scratching itself all over the place every time she gave it an opportunity to sit down... the manager told her that she had to carry it if it was going to be in the store. This of course angered the lady too because according to her, it's an ADA dog.... Except it wasn't identified as a service dog at all... and she stormed her crazy ass out of the store.

When it was my turn to make my purchase I made sure to tell the lady I hoped her day got better and that she did a great job at handling the customer before me.

So ridiculous... Reminded me of all the customer service issues I have to deal with... And I'm still thankful I'm not in a clothing store anymore.

This brings me to the conclusion that the customer is not always right; sometimes the customer is an idiot.

Dream State Escalate: 27

I had a few dreams last night but only one is clear now that I'm waking up.

I was dating this super thug gang member type guy. In real life he was someone I went to high school with but didn't really know him, just knew who he was and idk if he was a good guy or not, he was just someone I passed in the halls. Anyway, I wasn't supposed to know about his misdeeds or gang affiliation but I somehow found out. When he figured out that I knew he decided that I knew too much and that he had to kill me, so he sent one of his lynchwomen after me in the ladies room, trying to catch me unaware. I saw her come in after me with a gun (a very fancy handgun I might add, silver with a pearly grip) and instead of going in a stall to use the facilities I grabbed her pistol and threw open the bathroom door. He was waiting on the other side, gun drawn and had started firing. He missed every time he pulled the trigger, I raised my gun to fire back and it kept clicking like it was empty. I hear someone whisper in my ear "the safety is still on" I released the safety, fired, and a big hole opened up in his neck.

As soon as he fell to the ground the police started showing up, I dropped my weapon and told them that I still had to use the restroom, because the gun fight had interrupted me (I was strangely calm for just killing my boyfriend who had tried to murder me). They followed me into the restroom and made me go in a bucket that they were going to send to the FBI to analyze if I had been involved in any of his illegal activities (I don't know how they could do it, but my dreams are crazy). They arrested me and took me to a halfway house instead of a police station because they were worried about what might happen if any of his "brothers or sisters" in the gang found out I had killed their leader.

My mom was waiting for me at the house with my laptop and a list of lawyers and my most recent bank statement to figure out who I was going to be able to afford to represent me when I went to trial, after glancing at my funds we realized that it would be a state appointed lawyer at best.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 26

 At the very least I cannot deny that I am well traveled in my dreams, and crazy wealthy... if you're going to dream, might as well dream big I guess.  Anyway, last night took me to the Parisian real estate market. I was looking to buy a house in the city... a HOUSE, not a flat... Do they even have houses in Paris? So I find this gorgeous mansion and I'm walking through the rooms with my girlfriends and  we're all super excited to start decorating it and making it mine when we get a phone call from some people we had met earlier and make plans to go to dinner. We have to take the Metro to get to our dinner location, then a long car ride. At some point in this car ride I realize that my ex is in the car with us and it brings about no small amounts of anxiety. I try to play it off like it doesn't bother me, laughing with the girls, singing along with the radio, car dancing... all the tricks I can think of to appear "normal" except none of it works, the anxiousness keeps growing and I'm clearly getting more and more upset, finally I reach back to hold one of my friend's hand, to help calm my nerves, except he's the one who reaches out for me, and as we're holding hands in the car, all the fear and nerves go away and I relax and fall asleep in the car.

So it appears that even in Dreamland, he's still the one I want to reach out to when I'm feeling inner turmoil. This isn't okay. This isn't what I need or want right now. I need to figure out how to be okay on my own. I still don't understand how he captured so much of me in such a short amount of time. I guess I just keep going through the motions. Stay busy, blog, try to get back into all the things that made me happy and fulfilled before him, keep my friends and family close.  I really don't know what else I can do.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 25

I don't know what it is with celebrity boyfriend dreams, but I'd like them to continue... although in this dream I wasn't really dating Dane Cook, just his doppelganger: Matt Austin (possibly Miles' older billionaire half brother? it's dreamland, why not?).  Anyway, I had had a rough week at work and Matt decided to take me away for the weekend to relax... in the Bahamas... I guess I have a passport in dreamland too.  Anyway we go to the SUPER FANCY resort and change into our STAR WARS bathing suits. Yeah we're that cool... I had this gold one piece bikini type thing... meaning yeah, it was only one piece... but there was a lot of skin showing... no worries though, I was in prime bathing suit condition, I don't think I've ever been in that great of shape... and he had R2D2 swim trunks. Yeah... we were that couple... and it was glorious. So we just enjoyed our day at the beach, had delicious cocktails, splashed in the ocean, and had the perfect fantasy weekend get away. God, I love my dream boyfriend. He's so thoughtful and generous.

something like this, but with C3PO designs on it.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dream State Escalate: 24

I haven't been posting the last few dreams I've had because they've been so jumbled that by the time I'm awake enough to type, nothing makes sense and there is not a clear chain of events to piece them together.

There seems to be a common theme though, because I wake up stressed out and upset. I seem to be fighting with my (biological) dad a lot, over different things, but they all end up with me slamming a door in his face.

Another common theme is something bad happening to my dog, whether someone is trying to abuse him, my parents trying to give him away, or finding out that they had put him down without telling me.

I've also been dreaming about the most recent ex boyfriend, different results everytime... sometimes we're back together, sometimes we're still broken up... in one we're married and have a toddler and one on the way... they're conflicting and leave me feeling confused and sad.

Friday, March 1, 2013

This One Is For the Girls

Queue Martina McBride's girl anthem at any time...

If you're a regular here at Adventures you'll notice that I've tackled this subject a few times, in my first blog, in my subsequent Girl Blog posts 1 & 2, and my rants about being treated like an object, and there are more than just the ones I've linked here. Some might think that I'm repeating myself, or maybe call me a self indulgent feminist, or a ball busting frigid bitch. I don't know... I don't particularly care. I will continue to post what is in my heart and mind until the world has changed for the better, so as long as we coast along the status quo prepare yourselves for a loud, opinionated, independent woman. Consider yourselves duly warned.
Lessons for the New Generation of Women
  • Learn to love and respect yourselves, because no one else will if you don't. If you allow others to walk all over you they will. It isn't always easy to be strong and to stand up for yourselves, but it is worth the fight.
  • Be independent. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have someone helping you carry the load some times. Relationships are fantastic when they're healthy, but you should never depend on someone for your survival. Get an education, learn how to balance your checkbook, be able to cook your own meals, and pay your own bills. Forever isn't guaranteed and if that person you depended suddenly isn't there anymore it'll be easier to pick up the pieces and move on if you already have the skill sets in place.
  • Be an active participant in life. If something bothers you speak out against it. If something speaks to your heart and inspires you, be vocal for it. Don't let things pass you by because you don't think you can make a difference, you'll be surprised at the sound one tiny voice can make.
  • Love your sisters, and not just the biological ones. I know I've written about this before, and I probably will again, but when life gets you down there is no one in life that has your back more than a good girlfriend. She understands the emotions you're dealing with and how sometimes you just need someone to sit next to you to feel better. She understands the need for silence as much as the need to scream. Men can be fantastic support systems for the women they love, but they don't always understand that it takes more than a minute to be okay and that sometimes you have to cry and be angry before you get back to being your normal self. Your girls will understand because they have been there.
  • Don't let your dreams be trampled on. So many times I see woman give up things that they love for other's hopes and dreams... or even worse because they feel their dreams aren't logical.  Maybe your dream was to be the next American Idol, but you can't carry a tune in a bucket...that doesn't mean you should stop singing all together. Sing your heart out whenever you get the chance. Maybe you wanted to be an artist, but your work isn't selling and you need to pay the bills, so go get that job that will keep your bank account in the black, but make sure you have the time to create, even if it's just for yourself. I think we've all gotten lost from time to time, but if you don't figure out some sort of outlet to make yourself happy and content you'll just be filled with resentment and that's no way to live life.
  • Don't be afraid of your mistakes. Nothing teaches you how to grow and be better than falling down a few times. Every scar has it's own story, you can choose to heal or to pick at the scabs and bleed forever. Failing builds more character than winning, and it's best to learn early in life how to deal with sadness and defeat than to have life kick you in the teeth as an adult and to not know how to deal.
  • Develop a good poker face and never let your enemies see you sweat. This world is tough, you have to be tougher. I'm not saying emotions are bad and should be hidden, but sometimes reading a situation and thinking about your reaction can help you out more than a spontaneous outburst.
  • It's not shameful to ask for help. This doesn't counter my independence stance at all, it's impossible to do everything and to please everyone. There are occasions where you need to  call in for back up, to delegate, and to take off your superwoman cape and to let someone else save the day. This doesn't mean you're weak or incapable, just that you're strong and smart enough to know when to say "enough is enough."
  • Define yourself.... even if you haven't figured life out yet. Be comfortable in your own skin, it's the only one you're ever going to get. If you don't want people to think of you as a "mean girl" don't be a mean girl. You don't want to be seen as a doormat? Don't let people walk all over you. It's not always as easy as that, but if you want to be perceived (or don't want to be) as a certain type of person you have to figure out a way to become that person.
  • Check your baggage at the door. This is super hard, not even going to try to deny it, but if you don't let the new people in your life speak for themselves and are constantly comparing them to people of your past (good or bad) you'll never get to really know the person standing in front of you.
  • No one is entitled to anything. Ever. Grow up, get a job and be responsible, just because you want something doesn't make it yours until you earn it. Same thing with people, just because you want someone (or they want you) you have to earn your place in their life (or they have to earn a place in yours). It isn't hard to get that spot, be kind, be honest and trustworthy, be supportive when someone needs you, be a good friend.
The more I read through this I realize that it isn't just good advice and wishes for the girls growing up in today's society, but it's good for everyone. I realize that some of the bullet points are easier to follow than others, and you can't do all of them all the time, but as long as their in your thoughts and are things you strive for on a regular basis you'll become a strong individual.

I'll leave you with this today, there is no bigger insult than someone telling you that you're boring and forgettable. Make your mark and carve your name in the history of the world.