The Fire Breathing Anger Monster made another appearance... she doesn't show up all that often but when she does, prepare for an extra long shouty rant.
Okay... so this super creepy thing happened at work today... and now I'm not so much creeped out about it as I am pissed off over it. I will preface this by saying the guy probably didn't mean anything harmful by it, he's just an old redneck who is ignorant as fuck, and doesn't know how to flirt. HOWEVER ignorance isn't going to excuse his shitty behavior.
He thought I was pretty. Fine. Thanks I'm flattered. However, homeslice took it to the creeptastic level of making me feel dirty and uncomfortable and since I was at work (and completely alone in the office) I had to remain polite.
Anyway started out okay, talking about the Super Bowl and wanted to know if I watched it with my boyfriend or husband... and backed me into a corner so I had to admit I didn't have either. So apparently this means that I'm available? WHAT THE FUCK... DIDN'T WE GO OVER THIS? JUST BECAUSE I'M SINGLE DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO HAVE ME JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT ME? I'M PRETTY SURE I GET A FUCKING SAY IN THE MATTER. Excuse my internal outburst, because that's what was going on in my head (for the rest of this post, all caps will be internal dialogue, because remember I am at work and must remain at least 95% professional). Then he starts to tell me how he was routing for SF because this was the quest for 6 and blah blah blah... I again told him that I didn't watch the game, nor did I really care about any of it, half time, black out, commercials, etc... he then told me that he was disappointed in me? WTF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME HOW CAN YOU BE DISAPPOINTED THAT FOOTBALL ISN'T MY LIFE. YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME.
Okay... so he finds out I'm single... NOTE TO SELF: BE A BETTER LIAR WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS tells me that anyone who doesn't want to be my boyfriend is dumber than a box of rocks. INCLINED TO AGREE, BUT HE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT. also the next time he's in town he's taking me out to dinner... and he's not married even though he's wearing a thick band on his left hand, he saw me "scoping it out" YEAH BECAUSE I'M GROSSED OUT THAT YOU'RE WEARING A WEDDING RING AND HITTING ON ME, FUCK YOURSELF. He takes the ring off and tells me that it was a gift from his son, who has finally straightened his life out now that he's a grown up DID I TELL YOU THIS GUY COULD BE MY DAD? HE'S THAT FUCKING OLD. So he takes the ring off and tells me about it, that it's religious and he's not sure why his son would give him a "bible ring" but he likes it... I took a quick look at it and handed it back saying "oh nice, maybe he thought you needed it" pretty sure he didn't take the hint. I NEVER WANTED TO CLAIM TO BE AN ATHEIST MORE THAN AT THAT MOMENT, AGAIN LEARN TO BE A BETTER LIAR. He then starts showing me his necklaces that were also gifts from his son... with a value of $500+... how he just bought a new Volkswagen Passat WHEN DID I START CARING? BECAUSE I'M NICE AND POLITE DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE YOU, IT MEANS I'M DOING MY JOB ASSHOLE...he goes on and on about how he likes my eyes and how he's a sucker for brown eyed girls, and how he wouldn't wear a wedding ring when he was married to his ex. He made it clear that he knew I was alone in the office (the guys were all out doing other things at the moment) and that it wasn't safe to leave a pretty girl like me alone where she can't defend herself against someone like him who might want to kidnap me. MOTHERFUCKER TAKING A WOMAN AGAINST HER WILL IS NEVER SEXY GODDAMN IT, AND IF YOU DON'T THINK I WOULD DEFEND MYSELF YOU'RE IN FOR A RUDE AWAKENING.
Thankfully my co-worker got back, closed the contract (while Creeper was here he was telling me that he was going to go fill up the vehicle before I closed it out) and took the guy back to the hotel he was staying at, and said that they could stop at the gas station on the way to their destination. He saw the loathing in my eyes and decided it was best for all involved to get McCreepy out of the office.
When Coworker got back in the office he told me about how Mr. Ickypants talked about me the whole drive back and how he was taking me out on the town next time he was around. Ummm seriously? I'm taking the day off. Going into hiding. Is there a way to enroll in the witness protection program temporarily?
Anyway... lest you get the wrong idea, it's not bad that he was flirting. I'm not offended that he told me that he thinks I'm pretty. I'm fucking pissed off because he thinks he's entitled to me just because he wants it. That it doesn't matter what I think. That because I'm being polite (because I'm paid to be) that implies interest. Don't fucking corner me at work and think because I smile at you that is a casual sex invite. Because it isn't. I didn't agree to go out with this guy, and yet he's telling my coworker that I did? He's trying to intimidate me because he thinks I'm alone? These are not methods to get women to like you. Not ever. It's not cute, it's not sexy, it makes you seem like a mother fucking rapist, and you should back the fuck off.