Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Girl Blog 3 of 3: A New Wishlist

Happy Anniversary Blogger, its been a year already and I think its appropriate to celebrate with a new wish list. My first post on this site was My Wish List and while a lot of these wishes are still hopes I have for the future its time for a new list.

My hopes for women haven't changed, if anything I hope that in the years to come we won't have to still be fighting the same battles our grandmothers fought for equality, reproductive freedom, and won't be judged on anything but our own personal merit.

A lot has happened since I posted my wish list last year, it was a chronical of my thirtieth year in many ways... and with the year winding down for me (my birthday is Friday, if you want to send presents I'm totally on Amazon.com) I thought maybe this could be a New Year's Resolution type post. Not just wishes for the population as a whole, but more localized.  The way I want to live 31.

  • Don't sweat the small stuff.
    • I know its totally cliched, but I get so caught up in making things that don't matter in the long run matter in the present that I lost sight of what really is important.
  • Chill on the out of control spending
    • Do I really need that sweater in 4 different colors? Will two or {gasp} one suffice? Do I really need it at all?
  • Write More
    • Whether it be here on the blog, or short stories, or in a journal, set the pen to the paper and get the words out.
  • Appreciate EVERYTHING
    • Good times, bad times they all have their lessons to teach.
  • Experience the Out of the Ordinary
    • Take chances that I wouldn't necessarily always take. Who knows where it could lead.
  • Don't Be Afraid to Say No
    • I know this almost contradicts the one that I posted before, but this is more in the sense that I tend to overload myself because I want to be able to do it all. Sometimes I need to sit back and either let something slide or let someone else handle it. I don't need to be in charge all of the time. I can share the reins.
  • Cultivate Positive Relationships
    • Sometimes people are in your life for a season, sometimes a few years, sometimes a lifetime. Everyone you meet has a specific purpose in your life, even if its just a small encounter, who knows where you might find inspiration to do the next big thing.
I think that these are all do-able goals and I look forward to tackling the new year.


Monday, July 16, 2012

Girl Blog: 2 of 3 Looking for a Few Good Men

I know initially my plan for my 3 part girl series was going to focus on the political issues surrounding being a woman in 2012, but I changed my mind. If you are interested in all the legislation surrounding vaginas as of late I urge you to check out UniteWomen.Org there is a lot of great information there and a lot of hard working women that are fighting the good fight to protect our rights as adults who are capable of making our own decisions about our bodies, lives, and families. Its not that I don't find the issues at hand extremely important, the evasiveness disturbing, and the unbalanced nature of health care coverages appalling, its just that I think that they can do a much better job of explaining everything without resorting to name calling than I can.

I have decided that since I had the rant about how hard it is to be a woman these days, I thought I'd try my hand at a counterpoint. Not necessarily a post about how "its equally hard to be a man" or "why are all the good ones taken" or "what the fuck has happened to the Y chromosome?" just some thoughts and ideas about the men of 2012, the good, the bad, and crazy.

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?
A couple of weeks ago I went downtown to go dancing with some of my girlfriends, and looking around all the dance floors we invaded I couldn't help but wonder where all the "Guy's Guys" were.  Every boy we saw had a deep v-neck, over gelled hair, and a boy BFF to grind on.  I couldn't figure out if it was the last night of Pride, if all the men in town were overly in touch with their feminine sides, or if I was just finally too old to party in a college town. I remember leaning over to one of my friends and saying wistfully "Remember the days when men weren't so secure in their masculinity and would sit a seat apart at the movies and would lean up against the wall in a club until a girl that they wanted to dance with walked by? I miss those days." I know that sounds mean. I know. Its a double standard... Girls grind on each other all the time and its cute and fun, if I demand equal treatment from men, I should be prepared to grant them equal treatment. The thing is, if I was able to be attracted to someone who behaved just like me, I'd be checking out the skirts myself.

I read an article on Jezebel.com this morning that was about how we as a society need to redefine the term "manly" it was written in response to a NY Times article stating that men need to rediscover their inner Don Draper. I think they both have valid points and that they are both silly at the same time. Maybe we do need to redefine what it means to be manly, but defining it as a male who gets manicures/pedicures and his chest and eyebrows waxed isn't going to do it for me. Give me Paul Bunyan over Paulie D any day of the week. I like that the general hygiene of males has significantly evolved since cro-magnum days, but I don't want to share my make up remover with my lover. I want to feel safe and secure with my guy, I want to know that even though I can take care of myself, he wants to take care of me (I'll be loving and supportive of him, I want that in return). I like guys with calloused hands, who are gainfully employed, guys who will open the door for me, who respect me and my opinions (even if said opinions differ from theirs), laugh at awkward situations, are secure in their own skin, and don't need to be drunk to have a good time. The rest of the stuff is just details. Doesn't seem like a lot to ask for.

What I don't want is someone who lives on his parents' couch, who's never had a real job, and would rather get loaded than become a contributing member of society. I'm not in college anymore, that is no longer how I define what it takes to be a man. Pay your bills, show up to work on time, and have your own place (or at the very least have roommates that didn't participate in your conception). Also? Have a valid driver's license; DUIs aren't sexy. They don't make you look cool, they make you irresponsible. I'm not saying you have to drive a Ranger Rover, but you won't be impressing anyone if you roll up on a BMX.

I guess my best definition of what a man is to me is some who has outgrown his little boy stage, someone who loves his mama, but doesn't need her to cook him dinner every night.

Please Don't Accuse me of Emotional Terrorism
I had an ex years ago who would say mean things to me, make me cry, and then accuse me of using my tears to make him feel bad. He called me a manipulative emotional terrorist, because my reaction to his asshole behavior was to be vulnerable.

Emotions are not a bad thing. Be emotional, at least its real. Don't be a jerk and expect me not to react. If you're sad, stressed, upset, happy, whatever, let me know, don't be the King of Stoicism and think that I'll be able to read your mind and understand what you're going through. I'm not telepathic, but I want to be there for you, it's your job to decide if you're going to let me.

I'm Sorry if I'm Sending Mixed Messages
I know women say they want a man to be able to be vulnerable with them, but get weirded out if their man cries around them. It is a weird moment, but that doesn't mean it's bad. I'm glad that you trust me enough to let your guard down.

Just because I like kissing you, doesn't mean I'm ready to be naked friends with you. Kissing is fun and playful, but I might not be ready for the kind of emotional attachment that sex might bring. One does not necessarily lead to the other. I might not ever be ready to be naked with you just because I really like kissing you. It might not even be you're fault that I'm not ready for sex. The last person I was with hurt me pretty bad and I had rushed into sex with him before I knew where I stood and I'm a little gun shy. I understand that these are my issues and I shouldn't punish you for other men's sins, but it's still my body and my feelings and I don't know that I want to share them yet. You have the option to be patient with me, or you can walk, but please don't try to pressure me into having sex because you think I'm being a tease.

I know you're out there--you can't just exisit in my imagination, because what would be the purpose of having all these feelings if I can't share them. I guess it's just my turn to be patient.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I'll Get There When I'm Ready


I find myself often being a person that friends, family, and friends of friends or family turn to for advice. I'm really not sure why that is, especially when it comes to relationship advice seeing has how I have never been in a healthy stable relationship, but never the less I'm someone people turn to.

I am so honored that people trust me in that manner even if they don't know me that well. Maybe they find that I listen well and I try not to judge too harshly.

I'm starting to think that it's getting time to take my own relationship, or rather breaking up advice, and that is this: You'll let go when you're ready.

Yes I know it's all vague and zen, but it's true. The brain and the heart aren't always in agreement on when the appropriate time to let go of someone you loved is, eventually they will get on the same page and you will let go at that point.

My plan is to stop beating myself up over having feelings for someone longer than some ambiguous deadline that I've given myself. I know I don't want to be with that person anymore and any hope for reconciliation has long vanished, I know this person will never be what they once were to me and 99 out of 100 days I'm okay with that fact. However on that one day my heart takes over and makes me wistful for the fantasy of what could have been "if only"

Today was that one day. I spent all day on the verge of tears and my stomach all tied in knots and I was angry about it. So fucking angry. Why can't I stop feeling? How can you still hurt me even without doing anything? We haven't had any contact in 6 months and you haunt my dreams. It isn't fucking fair.

For whatever reason my heart isn't ready to let go. It will when it's ready.

Maybe it will take meeting someone new, maybe it will just take time to build up some scar tissue over the open wounds. I'm ready to start giving other people a chance, even if I get hurt again, I refuse to allow you to keep me running scared. I'm stronger than you ever gave me credit for.

Maybe I'm closer to ready than I thought, and even if I'm still straddling the fence I can keep my eyes on the horizon and know there are better days ahead.

Shattered Glass

Preface: I wrote this "letter to him" after a night filled with anxiety attacks, vivid dreams, and a lot of tears. Its raw and unedited, exactly how I felt when I first woke up.


I hate how just seeing your name can make me break out into a cold sweat, how the mere thought of you gives me nightmares or even worse happy dreams of what could have been. How do you still have this hold on me? Why am I finding it so impossible to let you go? You aren't good for me, you never were. You have proven yourself to be selfish and untrustworthy. Those aren't qualities I'd look for in a friend or a lover, so why doesn't that goodbye we said 6 months ago feel final? Why am I so scared that one of these days you're going to show up out of the blue and the sound of your voice will make me forgive you? Am I really that weak? Do I hate myself that much that I would allow you back into my life just to break me all over again? Why did I ever love you? Why does it feel like I still do? I was never that important to you, so why did I allow you to become the center of my world?




Tuesday, July 3, 2012

SSFW: A giggle inducing guide to life, sex, and stuff

This blog is sort of co-authored by The Elitist.She had this idea that she wanted to post a blog about all the things she's learned from men in the past 15 months and have it be really silly and fun... I started texting her funny lessons I've learned dating in the past decade and she decided that maybe I should post the blog myself. 

So in no particular order, and by no particular order, I will list the following lessons by bullet point. Feel free to guess who said what and it might be a good idea to not have a beverage while reading. There were a few other contributors to the list and if you have any to add feel free to add them to the comment section. There is always room for more giggles. If you want a more serious list of the dating lessons I've learned over the years check out my blog about Loving Mr. Wrong  or being In Love With Love Apparently I write about relationships... but really what is life about if not relationships. They don't all have to be romantic, but human interaction is what we do.

Time to stop feeling philosophical and start making the list...

  • I was introduced to medium rare steak, bread and butter pickles, and diet dr. pepper, those were the best things I can take from that relationship
  • Always were a pony tail (for those with long hair) during kinky sex or you'll never get the tangles out.
  • Semen in the eye stings like a mother fucker, but can be an effective hair gel if you run out.
    • OMG cum in your eye will leave you with a red eye for three days and will ruin your contact
  • If you have high intakes of wasabi and garlic in your diet, that's what your spunk will taste like and she'll never swallow again
    • Or let you cum in her mouth again
  • Shaved balls are gross
    • If the rest of your body is hairy, do not shave your balls, it's alarming
  • Gatorade immediately after a bender will help make the hangover more manageable the next day.
  • Please refrain from using cutesy nicknames on the second date, wait until we're in a relationship, and even then be careful some are just cringe worthy.
  • Don't forget to break up with your significant other/roommate before bringing new dates home, the outcome will be less than stellar.
  • Change your sheets between bed buddies, no one appreciates souvenirs from previous guests 
  • Never tell someone you're sleeping with that you love them... like a sibling
  • No one wants to blow Swamp Thing, keep it clean friends.
  • There is a right way and a wrong way to 69, him on top with swamp crotch = the wrong way
  • Booty Call Rules are as Follows:
    • if he calls after 10:59 its a booty call
    • he needs to be single
    • he can't meet your family
    • he can come to your place
    • he just needs to be single and hot!
    • if your BC is your crush's bff don't expect your crush to ever be your BF
    • its super hard to transition from a BC to a relationship... not saying it can't happen, but don't expect it to.
  • If she's more interested in the cartoon going on in the background, you're probably doing it wrong
  • Do not tell me you have a 24'' cock, because I will laugh at you and call you a liar. Its involuntary, really, when someone tells you something that ridiculous laughter is imminent.
  • Ziploc is not an effective form of birth control
  • If you're planning on breaking up with a girl, please don't take her on a super romantic vacation immediately before. It just makes goodbye that much harder and you kind of look douchey.
  • Led Zepplin makes a perfect making out soundtrack
  • Whiskey dick is NEVER appreciated.
  • There is a right way and a wrong way to pull a girl's hair... if her reaction is a confused look or "ouch ouch that hurts!" you probably did it wrong.
  • Sometimes the best sex is the kind that makes you burst out in uncontrollable laughing... no honey I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because I'm having a good time.
  • Fake boyfriends can never know that they are the fake boyfriend.
  • You really shouldn't be proud that girls tell you "8 Second Ride" is your theme song, it doesn't mean what you think it means...
  • You may think having long hair is sexy, but seeing as how it always doubles as something to grab onto, I'm always in some sort of a back-bend. No wonder I end up having sex on my head so often. Its like a permanent yoga session in my bedroom.

June Jamboree

June was a crazy fun month, so much happened that I almost feel like I can't get it all in one blog... However since I already posted about how I met David Arquette in New Orleans it will shorten the post a little bit.

The month started and ended in a similar fashion, celebrating my friend Tess' birthday.  The first weekend in June we went to see Sugarland in concert at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in Irvine and it was so crazy, I knew I liked the band, but I didn't know that I LOVED them until that night. They are amazing live and are so involved with their fans, they brought the fan artwork on stage and showed it off like proud parents, took requests, and even had some fans get on stage and sing with them. How many superstars still do stuff like that? I'd guess not too many.

At the end of the month Tess and her sisters made the trek to the Central Coast and we went out to dinner at "Big McClintocks" in Pismo Beach and then had a dance party in Downtown SLO. Then per Downtown Tradition we made our way to IHOP for a late night breakfast stop before we went home. Menu suggestion? The Cinna-Stack pancakes, they will change your life, its like eating a giant cinnamon roll with whipped cream on top. A-mmmmmmmmmm-azing. Also? I wasn't drunk, so it wasn't boozy munchies that made them wonderful, they just were.

This month was peppered with girls nights, dinners, and just hanging out with friends both before and after the big family vacation. I love hanging out with my buddies, sushi, Mexican food, pizza, pasta, Snow White and the Huntsman, True Blood, and Magic Mike, what's not to love?

And finally..... NEW ORLEANS LOUISIANA!! We flew out of LAX on Sunday, June 17th and returned on Saturday, June 23rd. The trip was so much fun, we went on a bus tour of the city, a walking tour of the Garden District, a Haunted History Vampire Tour, a Swamp Tour, visited the Audubon Aquarium of the Americas, and then drove 5 hours for a twenty minute glance at the Tabasco factory in Avery Island.  My uncle who lives in a neighboring state came and visited one of the days we were there. We ate at fabulous restaurants almost every night. My favorite was Jacques-Imos, it was a Cajun restaurant and wonderful doesn't even begin to describe how good it was. We saw cemeteries, gators, the French Quarter, tried beneigts (if you've ever had funnel cake you've had a beneigt), met celebrities (Did I mention I met David Arquette? LOL), went on a walk along the Mississippi River, checked out Bourbon Street, and spent a lot of quality time with the family.  Happy Birthdays to the Family!