Wednesday, January 4, 2012

In Love with Love

I’ve been in an amazing mood today.  I’m not sure if it was because I dumped out all my feelings in my last post or if it was just a really good mood today.  I’d like to think it was in part because I saw a post of a “friend’s” facebook page, I use the quotes because I don’t technically know the person; I’m just a fan.

Anyway it was a super mushy exchange between him and his wife.  They were telling each other how they missed each other and how their lives were better because they had found each other.  They shared a couple inside jokes with each other and that was it.  Seriously, I don’t know either one of them personally and it made my day.

I loved seeing that open affection between two people who mean the world to each other.  I love it when I see that kind of exchange between my real friends as well.  In a society where love and relationships seem to be disposable, bearing witness to people actively engaged in making their partnerships work give me hope.  Love isn’t easy.  If it were easy, everyone would experience and stay in it forever.  If it were easy, it might lose its importance.  Too many people are afraid of the work, they’re scared to death of the bad times, but the hard stuff is what makes the good times so much better.  Working through problems together as a team is what makes you stronger.

Love doesn’t mean that you are going to be happy 100% of the time, love doesn’t mean that your partner will never irritate you; love doesn’t mean that you’re never going to be disappointed; love doesn’t mean that you’ll never argue.  Love means that at the end of the day, despite the differences, you have someone looking out for you, someone who has your best interests at heart, even if doesn’t always feel like it.  Love doesn’t run.  Love doesn’t cheat.  Love doesn’t lie.

There are so many people in this world who haven’t been taught the art of compromise, that haven’t learned how to be patient, that when you love someone you put them first, they think that instant gratification is the only way to be happy.  They get caught up in the lusty honeymoon phase of a relationship and don’t take the time to figure out the important things about the person they are involving themselves with.  I think the biggest problem with celebrity marriages is the whirlwind romance.  They commit themselves to virtual strangers and then are heartbroken and confused when things don’t work out.  Sometimes the fantasy is a polar opposite from the reality, and that’s so hard to accept.  I’ve been there, I know what it’s like to feel like your whole future is scattered like broken glass at your feet.  Looking back at the times where that has happened it has been because I didn’t take the blinders off, I couldn’t see all the red flags, because I was so in love with the idea being in love.

Learn to compromise.  Learn patience. Learn how to put another’s needs before your own.  Learn that just because it is in front of you doesn’t mean that it is right for you.  Find out what is important to the person you are with and if it is something that can be important to you.  Find out what that person hates and if that is also something you can live with.  The relationship is not going to work if you want to have a big family and your partner hates children, this is something you should find out before you get married.  Do you have different religions or political affiliations and can you live with those differences?  Love someone that you can be proud of.  Find the person who makes you a priority, the person who makes you laugh when you feel like crying, find the person who will hold your hand when you’re scared, who is proud of your accomplishments.  Find someone who shares your interests but isn’t your clone.  Love by your own standards, don’t compare your relationship to those around you or the ones you see on TV, I can guarantee you don’t know the whole story in ANY relationship that you are exposed to except for the one you are in.  No matter what you read on TMZ or listen to your friends rant/rave about if you aren’t in it, you don’t know everything.

I’m so incredibly happy for my friends and family members who have found their other halves.  I love seeing your updates and getting your holiday cards.  I love being part of your lives and sharing in your happiness.

I’m 30 years old, single, and I’m not scared.  I have only told two men that I’ve been involved with that I love them.  That isn’t meant to be a sad or depressing statement, it’s just that I think love is a big deal and not something that I take lightly, when I say it I mean it, and part of me will mean it forever.  Yes, I am still someone who is in love with the idea of being in love.  I don’t ever want to change that part of me; I don’t want to get jaded by broken hearts and misplaced affection.  Do I want to have my eyes more open the next time I’m in a relationship? Of course I do, I don’t want to be lied to or manipulated anymore than anyone else, but I never want to be afraid of falling in love.