Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Lessons in Loving Mr. Wrong

This started out as something much longer, I had explanations under every header at least four or five sentences long, it ended up being roughly four pages long, and I felt like it was less meaningful.  I started talking in circles and was getting so philosophical that I lost my way.  Instead I’m just going to list the lessons I’ve learned over the years of loving the wrong men, because after all there hasn’t been just one Mr. Wrong. 

Now it is not my intention to bash all the men I’ve dated or had feelings for, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and I’m willing to accept responsibility for any part I’ve played in hearts getting broken.  That being said, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself, and a few coping mechanisms on how to deal with a bruised ego, broken heart, and oceans of tears.

I’ve learned that once someone gets in your heart, really deep in there, they never really get out, and that it isn’t always the curse it might feel like initially.  I’ve learned to accept responsibility for my own actions, but to also place blame where it is due.  I know that in plenty of dating situations I’ve given all that I could, that I’ve done everything in my power to make it work, but I also know that there have been times where I wasn’t invested enough to put the effort in to have a successful partnership.

Now that I’ve gotten the disclaimer out of the way, here goes the list of lessons learned.

1.       Don’t Forget To Love Yourself

2.      Sharing Is Great, When You Both Share

3.      If It Feels One Sided It Probably Is.

4.      If You Want To Be Treated Honorably, Behave Honorably

5.      Listen To Your Gut And Your Friends (even when you don’t feel like following their advice)

6.      Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over An Ended Relationship

7.      Recognize That It Ended For A Reason (this is when logic trumps emotion)

8.      Holding A Grudge Doesn’t Solve Any Problems

9.      Just Because You Have A History Doesn’t Mean You Have A Future

10.  It Is Not Possible To Love Someone Enough For Both Of You

11.  Settling For Less Than What Makes You Happy Makes You Resentful

12.  Loving Someone And Being In Love Are On Different Planets.

13.  Just Because His Family/Friends/Pets Fit, Doesn’t Mean He Does

14. Stop Chasing Someone Who Doesn't Want To Be Caught.

15.  You Can’t Fix Someone Who Doesn’t Know He’s Broken

16.  Know When To Lace Up Your Walking Shoes

17.  Time Really Is The Only Healer

Some of you may notice that my list is ripe with clich├ęs and I won’t deny it.  There are reasons you have heard a lot of these things every time you get hurt, they are all true. Some are easier to deal with than others and you won’t believe any of them until you experience them for yourself.  I didn’t learn these lessons in any particular order, nor do they have an order of importance, and I know there is a lot more left for me to learn about love and relationships.  I am in no way ready to give up on finding love and Mr. Right, but I am learning to be more careful about who I give my heart to.