Monday, July 18, 2011

My Wish List

I have this same article/paper/note on Facebook, so if you've read it there, this is just a repeat, but I feel like its important enough to post it here as well.  This goes along with my strong opinions more than customer service shenanigans, but its all part of the adventure.

I was reading an article in cosmopolitan magazine online this afternoon and came across an article about a “shocking” and potentially dangerous new beauty trend…anal bleaching ( At first I just cringed at the thought of it then continued to read the article. This is something real women are doing, not just porn stars and the wacky Hollywood types. It made me sad that women are so insecure about their hind quarters that they have their ass cracks waxed then literally bleached so they have no skin discoloration on their anuses. This is real!!! That with porn becoming more mainstream than ever that XXX movies are starting to dictate what America’s standard of beauty is and what “normal sex” is. I thought the idea of bedazzling your vagina was creepy enough, and I’ve never had a Brazilian wax because frankly, the idea of allowing someone to put hot wax on my lady bits makes me cringe (I’m totally okay with waxing my eyebrows to that perfect arch though), that being said, I’m pretty sure I can single handily keep Gillette in business with the amount of razors I go through to keep everything neat and tidy (just a little lady-scaping, I don’t try to look like my 12 year old self, razor burn sucks and those little bumps you get from shaving itch too bad) and between my arms, under arms, and legs its quite the ordeal.

Now, I’m not one of those women who get all bent out of shape over adult films. They can be entertaining, but I don’t think they should ever be taken seriously as a model for real life. I think the allure of porn is in the fantasy. When you start trying to create your real life around a fictional world you’re bound to run into problems. I think as women we create so many of these problems for ourselves… We forget that the best thing about having a fantasy is in the dream. I’m beginning to think that women are using too much logic when looking at porn stars as role models for being beautiful in real life… This is the best thought I can come up with right now, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I think women are thinking

“Men enjoy watching these women having sex in ridiculous places and situations, they think these women are beautiful and desirable, the things they do and how they look turn men on, therefore I need to be like these women.”

Except in real life??? In my experience I have never been intimate with a man who complained about my legs being too hairy, or my skin too discolored (not that I allow access to my “backdoor” region anyway, no judgment on women who do, it’s just not something I’m comfortable with), or even having too much of a “fur bikini.” For the most part the men I’ve been with have been happy enough to be having sex. Who knows maybe they talk to their friends or they write in their secret boy-diaries about it, but honestly? I don’t think they care. I think they get that porn isn’t real and that it’s really just for fun. It’s not the guidelines for the life they want to live for real… Sure a little role-playing fantasy sex might be great sometimes, but I don’t think they expect that kind of sex and bodies all the time.

That’s the back story to my wish list… This is what I want for all the women of the world.

I want girls to grow up encouraged to be whatever they want to be. I want them to be loved for WHO they are, not what the look like, what their last name is, what side of the tracks they grew up on. I want girls to be able to truly be friends with each other without the competition for men and jobs and every other silly thing we feel the need to compete for. When we get dressed up, I want us to be able to do it because it makes US feel good and not because of what someone else’s opinion might be.

I want our self esteem to be based on how smart and independent we are and not solely on how pretty we are and how easy it is for us to catch a mate.

I don’t want pretty and smart to be mutually exclusive. Reading is sexy; being smart lasts forever, but pretty often fades as time goes on… Although my great-grandmother is 101 years old and I still think she’s beautiful, but she’s also a good person, and I think that reflects in someone’s eyes and how they carry themselves. I could also be partial because she’s family, but I don’t think I am. Girls take care of your bodies and your bodies will take care of you.

I want women to truly be treated as equals to men on an intellectual level. I’m not going to get into physical equalities, because let’s face it we were genetically engineered to do different things. We can talk about physical equalities when a man can carry a baby to term. We think differently but that doesn’t make one better than the other, it just makes us different. You learn more from people who have different thought processes than you do from people who are completely like-minded anyway.

I want girls to be able to go for a walk at night and not be scared that someone might attack her for just being there. I want girls in college to be able to go to a party and have fun without having to worry about getting drugged if she doesn’t watch her drink like a hawk….and then get blamed for the roofie because she was too pretty, too flirtatious, too drunk, too whatever. When did flirting become a crime or an invitation for being taken advantage of?

I want women to be able to love freely without being worried about showing too much emotion. Why is having feelings and expressing them considered a weakness or crazy? Why is it so horrible to cry when you feel the need to? It is not always a form of emotional terrorism to shed a tear or two. I feel like on many days I’m an emotional hoarder. I have so many feelings bottled up inside me because it is not cool to express them that one of these days I’m going to explode like a Molotov cocktail of emotion and I’ll get put in a straight jacket and locked in a padded room. That can’t be healthy.

I want girls to be encouraged to be self sufficient. Being able to share responsibility is a great thing, and having someone who WANTS to take care of you is awesome, but having the skills to be able to fend for yourself is as important as any other skills you may acquire over the years. You never know when you might be left on your own. There was a time in my life when someone asked me if I was going to college to get my M.R.S. the person asking it of me didn’t mean any harm by it but I felt incredibly insulted by the question. I couldn’t believe that someone thought the only reason a girl would go to college would be to meet her future husband, and that getting a degree wouldn’t really have value otherwise. Well, I graduated from California Polytechnic University at San Luis Obispo with a Bachelor’s of Science degree in Business Administration and concentration in Marketing… I still haven’t obtained that elusive M.R.S. but I don’t think that I’m any less of a woman because I don’t have a husband or children (and I don’t think any less of the women who are married with children, I just haven’t found that person I want to spend my life with who also wants to spend their life with me).

I want girls to grow up being taught that true beauty lies in kindness, generosity, being respectful and demanding respect for yourself, an education, taking responsibility for one’s actions, and independence. That they don’t have to fit some cookie cutter mold that Hollywood or Mattel decides to sell us as an ideal. Barbies are fun and pretty, but they are just as much of a toy as stuffed animals, and actresses and actors can be beautiful on screen, but there is a lot of makeup and air brushing that prevents them from looking like an average person you’d find in your local grocery store. I think real role models for girls should be teachers, doctors, scientists, authors, people who have made real accomplishments, not people who make their living by having the talent to read lines that other people have given them and being able to look good doing it. I don’t completely disrespect the entertainment industry. I just think that we place too much value on things that aren’t real.

I want real women, to become the real beauties of the world. I’m tired of being told the only way to be beautiful and loved is to be plastic. I’m pretty sure that even though it sells magazines by the ton, it’s a lie.

I want us women to look at men differently as well. A man doesn’t have to look like Jake Gyllenhaal or Bradley Cooper to be attractive (and I picked my two favorites as examples), the men I’ve loved most haven’t really fit my physical type at all, but they fit everything else so much better. The men I’ve fallen the hardest for are the ones that make me laugh, the ones who make me feel safe and comfortable, the ones who make me feel the prettiest girl in the room even when I don’t have any makeup on and I’m wearing my gym clothes. The men I’ve loved the most have encouraged me to live life unfiltered and let me be me when I’m around them. They’ve challenged me to learn new things, pushed me farther than I would have ever pushed myself, and I’m a better person for it. The men that I’ve merely been physically attracted to have exited my life just as swiftly as they entered without even leaving a scratch on the surface of my heart and the ones that I've loved will always have their own corner of my soul (whether I like it or not). I want everyone to be able to feel the joy of just snuggling on the couch with that someone watching something incredibly stupid on Comedy Central (or whatever channel tickles your fancy) and just be happy because you’re together…

So that’s my wish list. It might be a little sappy and emotional and all those other words so often used to describe women’s feelings, and it is all of those things. Feelings are great things to have, and I’m glad that I had the opportunity to share them.